Episode #42 - Poolhall Junkies
Andy: “To be honest, there was time when I considered selling this movie before we got to it in the stack. I mean, I know it’s bad, and I know that all the Christopher Walken in the world won’t save it. But I have loved seeing Oscar squirm at the thought of watching it again. And I thought of all the time I squirmed at movies Oscar made me watch. The Klingons are right. This is one cold revenge.”
Andy: Aw yeah. (0:00)
Stacey: Oooh, that’s bad. (0:01)
Andy: Oh wow.
Oscar: Yeah, he’s in here too.
Andy: Chazz Palminteri… (0:03)
Oscar: As I recall, we heard a lot of this song. (0:04)
Stacey: There’s only so much glory to be had in pool. In the end, it’s still pools. (0:05)
Jackie: Ugh… (0:08)
Oscar: It’s worth noting that this kid directed the movie too.
Andy: That’s why Ben Affleck isn’t in this role?
Jackie: He does look like the budget Ben Affleck. (0:09)
Jackie: This guy is so not as badass as he thinks he is
Oscar: He’s one of the more punchable protagonists I’ve seen.
Stacey: He’s got a girlfriend!? (0:12)
Andy: See, this is what happens when you only get the rights to one song. (0:13)
Oscar: “Ya varmint!”
Andy: It’s Yosemite Foreman. (0:15)
Jackie: He wants to be a cross between Ben Affleck and John Cusak and is neither.
Andy: If he wants to be Affleck and Cusak, does that make him an Assack? (0:16)
Jackie: He thinks he’s funny, doesn’t he? (0:18)
Oscar: Oh yeah, he’s got a posse of kids that are just as annoying as he is. (0:20)
Jackie: It feels likes the jocks from Can’t Hardly Wait. (0:22)
Stacey: Voice over?
Andy: Yeah, he had just seen Rounders. (0:23)
Andy: You know, I think Matt Damon is more to blame than Quentin Tarantino - this is equal parts Good Will Hunting and Rounders. (0:24)
Oscar: And that’s the least cool Hank Williams on his shirt. (0:25)
Jackie: Oscar, I’m sorry I doubted you.
Andy: I’m not. I’m loving this.
Stacey: Yeah, me too. (0:26)
Andy: They cut to a totally different table there. That was green, and now it’s blue. (0:30)
Amelia: Yay!
Andy: Here we go. Here’s the scene.
Oscar: I think he’s in two… (0:34)
Jackie: This boy does not deserve to be in a scene with Walken. (0:36)
Oscar: I think Christopher Walken’s job is to make bad movies good for one scene. (0:37)
Oscar: Say goodbye to Christopher for a while. You’ll see him at the end of the movie. (0:42)
Andy: They’re playing B.B. King’s “The Thrill Is Gone.” It’s the fricken sell-out 80s cut of “The Thrill is Gone.” I don’t think I’ve heard a more cliché music placement this entire series. (0:44)
Andy: Shoot him… shoot him… shoot him.
Oscar: C’mon… shoot him and the rest of the movie can be Christopher Walken, Chazz Palminteri and Rod Steiger hanging out. (0:46)
Andy: They used that ESPN/ESP joke in another movie… (0:48)
Stacey: …cut to party.
Oscar: Damnit Mars Callahan. (0:51)
Oscar: I think this is when the director wanted to be Kevin Smith. (0:52)
Andy: Ugh..
Amelia: Why?! I didn’t just see that. (0:54)
Andy: Ugh. No. really? Are they really doing this?
Oscar: Yeah. Like he would be in this band. (0:57)
Andy: Has this movie moved at all in the past hour?
Stacey: No. (1:00)
Oscar: I think this is the point where my mom said, “they talk like a bunch of girls.” (1:01)
Andy: Aw, c’mon Chazz. Hit him for real.
Stacey: And stop beating the camera man. It’s not his fault. (1:07)
Andy: Rod should have hit him harder. (1:13)
Oscar: You’re gonna wanna wake Jackie up for the end.
Stacey: Jackie, wake up. Christopher Walken is back to save the movie. (1:16)
Oscar: And, there we go.
Amelia: That was the best part of the movie.
Andy: Aw, now it’s Nu-Metal?
Oscar: Yeah. (1:23)
Andy: That was Rod Steiger’s last line in a movie, ever, huh?
Oscar: Yup. (1:30)
Andy: I sincerely hope Quentin Tarantino, Ed Norton, Matt Damon, Kevin Smith, and Roman Polanski run into Mars Callahan in a poorly-lit parking lot sometime. Not one modicum of originality in this entire movie. Still, felt good to stick it to Oscar. 3 Christopher Walken Scenes.
Oscar: Let this be a lesson: when I say a movie is not very good, you best believe it is not very good. 8 Ball, Corner Who Gives A Shit.
Jackie: Zzzzzzz… 3rd time falling asleep in mid-movie.
Stacey: If the last frame of this movie had been the last frame in Christopher Walken’s last scene, this movie may have had a slight redeeming value. That is not the case. Couple of Broken Pool Cues.
Amelia: This movie makes we want to never play pool again. 2 Cue Sticks to the Eye Sockets.
