Episode #39 - Conair (Haircuts at Home)
Stacey: “I recently purchased a new beard trimmer. It came with this.”
Stacey: This is going to be fun.
Andy: Here we go. (0:00)
Oscar: It’s Bart Simpson! (0:00)
Aaron: this takes place at my orthodontist’s office. (0:00)
Aaron: This is like those flight safety videos, where only half of it pertains to you. (0:01)
Oscar: There’s probably a joke to be made somewhere with “Power Screw.” (0:01)
Jackie: It’s Mike O’Malley and Michael Cera! (0:02)
Aaron: I hope they keep this in the plural first tense.
Oscar: Are we going to watch the whole haircut? (0:03)
Jackie: Did that just happen?
Oscar: Somewhere you could market this as a fetish video. (0:04)
Andy: Clipper across column? Is that what they’re saying?
Jackie & Oscar: Comb.
Andy: Clipper across comb?! That sucks.
Oscar: Yeah, they could come up with a snappier title. (0:05)
Oscar: I’m just afraid this is going to turn into Un chien andalou. (0:06)
Andy: “We want to grow up to be a debaser, don’t we?” (0:06)
Andy: Oooh, that guy does not look good.
Aaron: That’s uneven! They totally missed a spot! (0:07)
Jackie: The flat top is one of the most popular cuts of our time!?
Bethany: If our time is 1992. (0:07)
Andy: Naw, keep the rat tail! That’ll be cool when you’re a scenester in a few years! (0:08)
We all cried out when they cut the rat tail.
Aaron: Kris Kross!
Oscar: It is 1992! (0:10)
Aaron: So the flat top is just a hairspray thing?
Jackie: It’s a faux hawk! (0:13)
Oscar: It’s Billy Idol!
Aaron: I’m gonna get this haircut as soon as this is over. (0:13)
Aaron: Let’s roll this blunt!
Oscar: “Give her a blunt cut to the face…” (0:15)
Oscar: Andy Warhol’s Haircut. (0:16)
Aaron: This is called the “clippers across the fingers” technique.
Bethany: Too bad fixing the roots wasn’t part of this haircut. (0:17)
Aaron: Hey, remember pan flute? (0:17)
Bethany: They spent more time on her makeup than they did her hair. (0:18)
We all cheered when “Mushroom Bowl Cut” came up on screen.
Aaron: This kid is so excited to have a bowl cut. (0:19)
Aaron
Stacey: You know what would make this great? Live sound. (0:19)
Jackie: “You too can look like Ryder Strong.” (0:19)
Aaron: “Then we smoke the bowl.”
Andy: “With the blunt.” (0:20)
Oscar: “Here we see the head move back and to the left.” (0:21)
Oscar: He looks like the cat girl that used to hang around the Sex Pistols!
Andy: What?
Aaron: You lost me.
Bethany: You lost all of us.
Oscar: She was in the Great Rock ‘N’ Roll Swindle! (0:22)
Andy: He’s twitching! Do you see that?
Jackie: The barber’s hands are shaking.
Bethany: It’s hard when you’re holding a camera.
Aaron: They’re not supposed to be within 30 feet of a child.
Oscar: It’s Sargent Hatred! (0:23)
Andy: Someone found a copy of Avid 2!
Aaron: Someone found a copy of Word! (0:25)
Oscar: 1996.
Jackie: Woah. That’s behind the time. I was thinking ‘91. (0:26)
Aaron: We should play this at parties. (0:26)
Aaron: I’ve got a new favorite phrase. 5 Clippers Across the Comb
Jackie: Easily the best movie in the stack. 1 Severed Rat Tail
Bethany: Greg should sleep with one eye open. The Best Mushroom Bowl Cut Ever
Oscar: I like to think of this as a long lost sequel to Perfume. 4 Terrified Children
Stacey: Very glad I purchased this trimmer. And if anyone wants a haircut, just let me know. 23-Piece Kit
Andy: The worst part of all this? The haircuts were terrible. 1 Pair of Professional Scissors
Greg: *shakes head*
