Episode #35 - The Quick and the Dead (1987)
Andy: “Saaaaaaaaaaam Elliott. That’s why I got this movie. I got this when my roommates, who at the time were none of the people I’m doing this with, were obsessed with Spaghetti Westerns. This ain’t one, by the standard definition, but, as I said before, Saaaaaaaaaaaam Elliott.”
Andy: I bet they die of dysentery. (0:01)
Oscar: “Dick Bush”. I’m going to guess he got teased as a kid. (0:02)
Andy: “Tell me again about The Dude?” (0:04)
Oscar: He is always the same character. The wry mustachioed cowboy. Even in Ghost Rider. (0:05)
Oscar: Bob Newhart of the wild west!
Jackie: What just happened? (0:07)
Jackie: He reminds me of Jack Elam. But creepier. Like Jack Elam’s evil twin.
Andy: I bet he doesn’t even hang out with kids with Progeria. (0:09)
Andy: That’s a noble horse.
Oscar: That’s a fringe-y jacket. (0:10)
Jackie: You know who he reminds me of? The cowboy guy in Garfield.
Oscar: Oh! Cactus Jake! (0:12)
Andy: Woody Allen Goes West. (0:18)
Oscar: I’m going to go ahead and say he’s going to get punched before this movie is over. (0:23)
Andy: It’s the occasional synthesizer that throws off the music. You can tell it’s an 80s western.
Jackie: Is it? I was gonna say earlier that the wife’s haircut looked a little 80s.
Stacey: Yeah, that leather’s a bit too refined.
Jackie: Yeah. Little tiny things. (0:25)
Jackie: They’re pretty näive settlers. (0:31)
Oscar: He reminds me of the the creepy redneck in Boggy Creek 2: And The Legend Continues. (0:33)
Andy: What? What?
Jackie: Oh come on. That’s not necessary. It doesn’t need a love story. Quick. and. Dead. (0:37)
Andy: One doesn’t use proper grammar, does one?
Jackie: Not in the west! (0:38)
Oscar: I hope Elliott’s just fucking with this guy. (0:44)
Oscar: Man, even in HBO westerns there’s a shower scene. (0:45)
Andy: That was the best shot ever! (0:48)
Andy: You can tell he was a Tony award winning actor.
Oscar: “end scene.” (0:51)
Jackie: This guy’s a jackass.
Andy: Yeah. I thought he was gonna be a good guy. (1:01)
Stacey: A lamp, a dresser, the bed… they made the bed?
Oscar: That’s just ostentacious. (1:02)
Andy: I should hook my MIDI keyboard and play along.
Oscar: Hook up Stacey’s foot pedals. (1:03)
Stacey: Ok, so I’ve seen some “dead,” but I haven’t seen any “quick” yet. (1:04)
Aaron’s joined us for the end of the movie!
Andy: Meanwhile…
Oscar: They’re in Narnia!
Aaron: Meanwhile, in a Budweiser commercial!
Andy: Meanwhile, in Valley Forge. (1:07)
Stacey: Did you say this was on HBO or Showtime?
Oscar: HBO.
Aaron: A story of a cowboy…
Jackie: And an anachronistic woman.
Oscar: The story of one moustache. (1:08)
Andy: If Abraham Lincoln comes out of that cabin I’m throwing a pillow at the TV. Jackie: This sounds like the theme from the Neverending Story. (1:11)
Oscar: This is the most inconsistent weather. (1:16)
Oscar: This movie combines the sexual sensitivity of the old west and 1980s HBO. (1:17)
Stacey: First smart thing that guy did. (1:21)
Jackie: I like the fact that the two of them made out has no basis on the story. (1:26)
Andy: What should have been a great movie was kinda ruined by its frequent bubblings of 80s-dom and HBO-dom. Still, there are a couple of screen captures I need to take of Sam Elliott smirking before I toss this one away. 1 Moustache.
Jackie: While Sam Elliott is very amusing, the movie was so cheesy it hurt most of the time, and I enjoyed the random synthesizer interludes in a western. 1 Damn Fine Woman.
Oscar: I feel like this movie would be best viewed while home sick, bookended by screenings of “Look Who’s Talking.” 1 Fully Furnished Meadow.
Stacey: This movie was not quick. But perhaps it should die, though the budget Jack Elam was slightly amusing. The 2 That Rode Away.
Aaron: It’s never too late to turn back. 72 Minutes of Backstory I Skipped.
