Episode #13 - 99 44/100% Dead
With intermittent commentary by our roommate Aaron!
Oscar: “I’m actually not entirely sure why I have this movie. It arrived in a shipment of DVDs my dad got me from ‘Five Minutes to Live,’ However, he had absolutely no memory of having actually ordered it. I’m pretty sure he added it to his cart by accident. That said, we have it, and we’re going to watch it.”
Oscar: Richard Harris!
Andy: And titles by Roy Lichtenstein! (0:00)
Andy: Henry Mancini did the music? Woah. (0:01)
Andy: It’s the lost city of Las Vegas. (0:05)
Oscar: What movie do you think Henry Mancini thought he was scoring? (0:07)
Oscar: Yeah VHS track lines on a DVD (0:11)
Jackie: He was in MacArthur Park?
Oscar: He sang “MacArthur Park.” (0:12)
Aaron: You can load a clip on a train?
Andy: Sure! It’s not an airplane.
Stacey: Bring a stove, melt the lead, make the bullets… (0:12)
Jackie: He is an unattractive man. (0:14)
Jackie: You can do so much better!
Oscar: Is he plucking her?
Aaron: He can’t figure out how to unhook a bra, so he’s just tearing the whole dress apart. (0:18)
Aaron: Was that a Guns & Roses reference?
Andy: In 1972? I kinda doubt it.
Aaron: Maybe Guns & Roses got their name from this.
Andy: I kinda doubt it. (0:19)
Oscar: He kinda looks like Prince meets Erik Estrada (0:25)
Oscar: Yes!
Aaron: Buster!
Oscar: It’s the janator from the swing dance!
Aaron: Sister’s my new mother, mother! (0:27)
Oscar: This tears it, I’m losing my hand. (0:29)
Oscar: This is like the El Topo of gangster movies. (0:29)
Jackie: They’re trying so hard to make him cool and he just isn’t.
Oscar: I don’t know. He’s kinda winning me over. (0:32)
Andy: Welcome to the house of theremin! (0:35)
Jackie: Is this an episode of Dr. Who?
Andy: And what happened to the Mancini? Did he only write one song? (0:37)
Andy: The look they’re going for was tall, dark, and handsome. Two out of three doesn’t cut it, and one out of three just sucks. (0:39)
Oscar: This is kinda like a Grand Theft Auto mission. (0:44)
Jackie: Wait, why is she driving a school bus?
Andy: She’s a teacher!
Jackie: Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.
Oscar: Budget cuts? (0:50)
Andy: If she looks like Liv Tyler, Buffy looks like Steven Tyler. (0:52)
Jackie: What is wrong with him!? (0:55)
Jackie: Are we supposed to care about this, or know what’s going on?
Andy: I’ve never seen a better case for the Writers Guild of America. (0:59)
Andy: Wait, movie, you can’t just nochalantly introduce an alligator plot twist like that!
Oscar: I think they can! I’m in full support of the alligators! (1:00)
Oscar: It’s Robert Benigni! (1:03)
Andy: Please, movie, don’t tell us what’s on the note or anything.
Stacey: Is there a bomb in the school?
Oscar: It’s like Die Hard With A Vengance! (1:10)
Jackie starts dozing off
Stacey: Honey, there’s tripwires and a bomb in the school. Wake up. (1:16)
Andy: That’ll come into play later.
Stacey: Was that machine chopping things in half? I thought this was a laundry clearning service.
Andy: Maybe they also make towels? (1:23)
Oscar: He’s there to pick up his striped pair of pants! (1:24)
Andy: Where did that guy come from?
Jackie: Who the hell is he?
Oscar: I guess he had him stashed. (1:27)
Andy: I told you that would come back into play!
Stacey: Is that blood or oil?
Oscar: Oil.
Andy: Oh, there will be blood.
All: Ooh…
Oscar: It’s the dip! (1:29)
Jackie: Is this supposed to be him dying?
Oscar: Yeah.
Jackie: It’s bad. He’s a bad actor. (1:31)
Oscar: It’s his ringtone! (1:35)
Stacey: Good enough to fall asleep to, and bad enough to not pay for. 1 Bottle of Irish.
Oscar: I think I might be in the minority in this one, but I think this movie is kind of awesome. Cartoonishly pulpy gangster stuff, plus a guy with a claw hand and a briefcase full of attachments. Sort of a Neanderthal prototype to Sin City. Two Dozen Roses. White.
Andy: Remember TNN? This feels like something I would have seen there. Right before a Bond marathon and after It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. 1 Fly, 1 Tripwire, 1 Bomb, 1 School.
Jackie: The hero tried so hard to be cool, and just couldn’t pull it off. 1 Block of Cement.
