Episode #9 - Black Lizard
Oscar: “I first heard about this movie because it got Four Bones from Video Hound’s Guide to Cult Flicks and Trash Pics. Then, me and Andy saw the followup from the same director, featuring the same female impersonator, and I figured I’d finally track it down. This is on a burned DVD-R that I got off of EBay.”
Aaron: “Shouldn’t it be called Brack Rizard?”
Andy: “Someday we’re going to watch a DVD with a real menu.”
Aaron: Aw, man, please tell me that the whole movie is matted on the bottom of the screen like this. (0:00)
Oscar: My dad had that screenshot on his guitar case! (0:00)
Andy: This is like the place from the other movie!
Oscar: It’s the same club! (0:01)
Oscar: Hey, it’s him…or her. (0:03)
Oscar: I guess it was a novel, then a play, then a movie? (0:03)
Aaron: We should dub this ourselves. (0:03) (Andy and Aaron proceed to read the subtitles awkwardly for a few minutes)
Jackie: Great, another shitty transfer. (0:06)
Stacey: Is that People Soup in the hot tub? (0:07)
Aaron: Well, he still has the desires of a man.
Andy: Would it still be a lesbian scene if one of them is transgender?
Aaron: It depends if it’s pre or post op. (0:10)
Aaron: A diamond valued at 120 million Yen.
Andy: Or two dollars. (0:11)
Aaron: Wait, is the transvestite supposed to be the bad person?
Andy: Well, the breathy saxophone is playing.
Aaron: So she’s the sexy villian. (0:12)
Stacey: They putting her in a trunk? Yes, they are putting her in a trunk! (0:15)
Aaron: Now he takes six asprin.
Jackie: …with alcohol. (0:16)
Stacey: Seem happy to flip her upside down.
Oscar: Yeah, she needs a “This End Up” sign. (0:16)
Stacey: Oh, it was a fist full of sleeping pills.
Andy: Oh, that’s much better. (0:19)
Stacey: So, women afraid of caterpilliars shouldn’t be criminals? (0:23)
Aaron: Yeah, never play cards on a transparent table.
Stacey: Especially when there might be a mirror underneath
Jackie: It is a good shot though. (0:26)
Technical difficulties have delayed our viewing of “Black Lizard.” The doctor is calling it disc rot. We will finish this once a cleaner copy is obtained. Sorry for the inconvenience. As a sidenote - “sorry for the inconvenience” is a pretty lame apology, don’t you think? As is “we are taking it very seriously.” They’re used so often they become empy phrases that convey no emotion. If anyone feels deeply betrayed by this lack of quality response, please notify us at theendlessfeature@gmail.com and we’ll acquire refund the three minutes you took reading this entry with something of equal or lesser value. A thousand apologies, oh patinet viewers. New feature coming soon!
