Episode #8 - 50 Cartoon Classics.
(Editors note - as this thing is six hours long, we’re only watching about two hours worth total)
(Special guests: Greg and Aaron!)
Andy: “I found this at Wallgreens, once again for a dollar! I find I hard to believe that these are ‘Family Approved’ when I know several of these to be incredibly racist.”
Section 1 - Superman
Aaron: Ooooh!
Jackie: I’m sorry! It looked like Mighty Mouse! (0:00)
Oscar: Wow, establishing shot. (0:02)
Jackie: It’s the evil Midnight Bomber what Bombs at Midnight! (0:03)
Oscar: Lois Lane flies a plane?
Aaron: She’s Wonder Woman!
Oscar: Naw, her plane would be invisible.
Aaron: She hasn’t learned that yet. (0:04)
Andy: Who has hair like that? (0:04)
Jackie: Wow… that was… not family friendly. (0:05)
Aaron: Finally, it’s a super lighthouse! (0:06)
Superman: This looks like a job for Superman!
Andy: You shouldn’t say that so loud!
Aaron: He said that so loud the mic distorted!
Oscar: He has a Hitler moustache. (0:08)
Andy: He’s punching the laser back at him! (0:08)
Aaron: He didn’t have a nose in that shot. (0:09)
Aaron: Wait! Don’t forget the bird! (0:10)
Oscar: He looks like Steven Colbert on this.
Stacey: He’s who Steven Colbert wants to be.
Jackie: He bases his character on this cartoon. (0:10)
Oscar: This must be before the signed on to “The American Way.” (0:12)
Aaron: I’d like to see the blueprints for this place. “Here’s the money chute!” (0:13)
Andy: Is he Robot 5 or Robot 13?! (0:15)
Jackie: Oh, lame excuse… Wait, he’s really phoning this in. (0:15)
Jackie: It was ok when he was only stealing jewels!
Oscar: Well, jewels won’t get him laid. (0:16)
Aaron: He created this huge place, but he didn’t find any place to put these robots in order? (0:18)
Aaron: Does every Superman episode end with him burning the place down?
Oscar: Super Arsonist! (0:19)
Stacey: That’s some cape!
Aaron: How did his cape get super powers? (0:20)
Stacey: Wouldn’t someone be concerned when Clark never writes a story? (0:21)
Andy: Why would you ever write that story!? “Unrobbable train leaves station!” (0:22)
Aaron: Woah!
Oscar: Nixon is concerned. (0:25)
Aaron: He’s on the back too!
Jackie: He can bi-locate! (0:27)
Oscar: Spam, spam, spam, spam
Aaron: Tear-gas, tear-gas (0:28)
Section 2 - Bugs Bunny
Andy: That’ll blow up the bomb!
Oscar: I think that’s the idea. That’s why you don’t want gremlins. (0:02)
Aaron & Jackie: What?
Andy: It ain’t who?
Stacey: Bendir Bookie? And isn’t he the one that usually does the torturing?
Aaron: He isn’t a good victim. (0:04)
Andy: In what universe are bananas that slippery?
Aaron: Have you ever seen someone slip on a banana peel? It’s kinda like that. (0:07)
Andy: Wow, 50-year old gas card joke. (0:09)
Title reads “All This and Rabit Stew”
Oscar: Oooh, here we go…
Aaron: I wonder who was the cultural supervisor for this one. (0:09)
Andy: …wow. (0:10)
Aaron: What kind of gun is that?
Stacey: I kinda want one.
Aaron: It’s kinda like the gun equivalent of a 12-string (0:13)
Bugs: Why, look at you…
Andy: You’re a disgrace to the regiment?
Bugs: …you’re a disgrace to the regiment!
Andy: yes! (0:20)
Jackie: Bugs Bunny’s a real asshole.
Oscar: Yeah. (0:23)
All: ooooh..
Oscar: This is the part they don’t show anymore.
Greg: Woah, blackface. (0:27)
Oscar: (skipping ahead) Woah! Baby Huey! This isn’t listed on this thing. (0:54)
Section 3 - Van Beuren’s Tom and Jerry
Oscar: Wait, is that a different “Tom and Jerry.” This is a massively misleading tracklist. (1:04)
Jackie: Wow. This is eeeaaarly. (1:05)
Jackie: They share a bed!
Oscar: And they shake hands every morning. (1:07)
Oscar: Woah.
Andy: Yeah.
Oscar: You could redub this and have a Rob Zombie film. (1:09)
Oscar: This is actually pretty awesome. (1:09)
Oscar: Uh-oh, they’re going Africa. (1:11)
Andy: What are they doing with that paint?
Tom and Jerry put on blackface.
All: oooohhh…ugggghhh…. (1:12)
Jackie: Is that octopus in blackface?
Greg: It’s a blacktopus!
Andy: It only has 6 legs. It’s a septopus!
Oscar: No, that’d be a sextopus.
Andy: I’m… not going to call it that. How about a hextopus? (1:14)
Jackie: I feel like we’re watching a Don Hertzfelt cartoon. (1:16)
Oscar: Woah.
Jackie: Blackface skeletons! (1:16)
Stacey: Because all people in Africa are headhunters.
End credits run
Jackie: That’s it?
Oscar: …and they die. (1:17)
Andy: This is all sorts of horrible offensive.
Stacey: So how do they get out of this?
Jackie: They didn’t in the last one.
Oscar: It just fades out. (1:20)
Andy: It feels like Spike Lee made this.
Oscar: Feels like Spike Lee could have used any of this at the end of Bamboozled. (1:21)
Jackie: Woah, where did that come from?
Stacey: The ocean?
Oscar: “meanwhile, boats exist.” (1:22)
Oscar: What’s going on?
Stacey: The mouse scared everyone away. And the indian chief is a white dude. (1:23)
Jackie: (while skipping ahead) this is so surreal!
Section 4: Popeye
Oscar: There needs to be a band called “Ancient Fistory” (0:01)
Stacey: It’s like an inverted Cinderella!
Aaron: I think this is an inverted Cinderella. (0:01)
Greg: What nationality is Popeye anyway?
Andy: Immigrant American, I’m guessing.
Aaron: What accent is that?
Oscar: Popeye-ese? (0:03)
Jackie: Cinder-fella. (0:03)
Andy: Olive Oil is a lot more forward than I remembered. (0:04)
Aaron: They’re reading this like my middle school class read Shakespeare. (0:04)
Andy: I’m surprised by how many of those I remembered, and deeply disturbed by how little of the racism I picked up on as a kid. 1 Hextopus.
Aaron: I’m going to chalk most of it up to cultural ignorance. 3 Abandoned Clark Kent Suits.
Oscar: I’m going to start a cartoon about two trainyard workers called “Roadrunner” and “Coyote.” I think it’s gonna be big. 1 Vulture on the Lam.
Greg: Looney Tunes leaves you with a lot of cliff hangers, actually. It never really resolves the plot. Just ends with a song and dance. 3/5ths of a Person.
Jackie: Because I am a woman, my opinion on this doesn’t mean anything. 1 Evil Moustache
Stacey: Who knew you had to wear blackface in Africa? 3,000,000 Jewels Leaves Local Train Station Tonight.
